thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
