im six kinds of drunk right now
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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