then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
