then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I did not marry a roomba.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
