: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
