I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You were trust falling into bushes
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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