hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
