...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
