I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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