At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
