batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
