I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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