meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
