Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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