I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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