It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
