bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
