I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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