Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I didn't notice because vodka
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
