Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
