just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
