i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
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