I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
