Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
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