i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
