Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
