I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
