worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
We are all done wearing pants today
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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