I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
