Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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