I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
