i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
