Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
