just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
