I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
