Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
