Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
