I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
