i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
