billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
