i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
