I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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