About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
