I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
