Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
