The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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