Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
