In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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