Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
