your room smells of hookers.
And success
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
