Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
