if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
