i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
17 year olds will be the death of me.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
