So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
